Forgive Me
by RachelKatherine
Summary: A multi-chapter look at the aftermath of the Season 3 finale when Maura made the decision to donate her kidney to Cailin. Knowing how Jane feels about Hope and Cailin, Maura is faced with a decision that could alter her relationship with Jane forever. Rizzles is endgame!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Co-written by, you guessed it, Rachel and Katherine! It's our first R&I FF. Please leave us some feedback! Enjoy! XO**

**DISCLAIMER: HA. Don't own them. Never will.**

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><p>As the surgeon retreats from the room, Maura Isles takes a deep breath. The blood pressure cuff tightens around her arm and she winces from the pressure, but the feeling is nothing compared to the emotional pain she is enduring. Complete nephrectomy: the laparoscopic removal of one or both kidneys. The definition bounced around in her brain. Her chance to save Cailin, her chance at saving Hope. "<em>I don't want any part of you living in me."<em> Maura cringed as she relived Cailin's words over and over in her head. The sterile walls in the pre-op room start to close in around her and she focuses on breathing, willing herself to calm down. _What am I doing? _

_Jane. _Her conscience taunts her. _Jane._ _What about my chance with Jane?_ It's like a whisper she can't chase away. She fidgets with her IV, trying to focus on anything other than thoughts of her raven-haired best friend. She lays her head back against the pillow and stares at the clock, accepting the fact that her brain is going to continue to betray her. Her mind drifts to their morning routine, simple yet complex, and what she wouldn't give to be comforted by the smell of vanilla and orchids. The distinct smell of Jane. The smell of home. A single tear slips down her cheek as she accepts the enormity of her decision, as her mind wrestles with the looming consequences. She internally scolds herself for choosing to remain anonymous to Cailin, for choosing to endure this alone. She looks around at the empty room. This was not the time to be independent. For all the time she has spent alone in her childhood, she can never recall being as lonely as she is in this moment.

As the nurse comes in to take her to the surgical suite, Maura takes a deep breath and takes comfort only in the fact that through this act, she is able to salvage her sister's life. Most people would be proud that they were able to give the gift of life to someone. But Maura could only think of Jane, and whether the decision to keep this surgery from her will cause irreparable damage. Jane had blatantly told Maura how she felt about Hope having asked Maura to donate her kidney. _But then she remembered that she needed your kidney for her real daughter, Cailin._ Jane's words echo in her mind. She closes her eyes and tries to recall the way her fingertips buzz when Jane's hand brushes hers. How blissful it is to curl up in Jane's arms during movie nights. Her hand immediately flies up to her mouth and she lets out a muffled cry as the impact hits her. The nurse sympathetically pats her shoulder and says, "Don't be scared. Everything will be just fine."

But Maura knows that when she awakens from this surgery, there is a very real possibility that nothing will ever be fine again; not as far as she and Jane are concerned. As the sedative is pushed into the IV, she fights the pull of sleep, not wanting to abandon the images of Jane in her psyche. _Jane. The dimpled smile she reserves only for me. The way she makes me feel safe, even when I'm not deserving of her protection. The way she makes me laugh. "Oh my God, what have I done?" _is the final thought Maura remembers before the medication pulls her under.

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><p>The first thing Jane thinks when her alarm goes off is thank God it's Friday. She stretches and her body protests. A fleeting thought runs through her mind; she's glad to be spending the weekend decompressing with Maura. She rushes through her morning routine and before she heads into work, stops by Maura's, just as she's done every day for as long as she can remember.<p>

She pulls up to the Boston home and uses her key that Maura gave her. She's always wondered if it was strange for them to have each other's house keys. She can't think of many "friends" that do that, other than them, of course. She pushes that thought to the back of her mind and focuses on one thing, the most important thing, Maura.

"Hello?" she calls out as she enters.

"Morning, Jane!" Angela calls.

"Oh hey Ma, where's Maura?" she asks confusedly as she walks into the kitchen.

"Not sure. She was gone before I came in. Maybe she's already at work. She didn't let you know?"

"No, she didn't tell me anything. I guess I'll just go to the precinct. See ya later!"

"Bye Janie! Love you!"

Jane rolls her eyes at her mother's comment and strolls out the door. It was unusual for Maura to not tell her she was going into work early. To be honest, it was weird for Maura to go into work early at all. Jane tries hard to tamp down the feeling that something isn't quite right. Maura is a creature of habit and Jane can't remember the last time they didn't go to work together.

When she calls Maura's cell on the way to work, it goes directly to voicemail. As she drives, she wracks her brain, wondering if she had done or said something to upset Maura. But as she pulls up to the precinct, she notices that Maura's car isn't in its normal parking spot. As she jogs to catch the elevator, she sees Lt. Cavanaugh approaching and lets the doors of the elevator close.

"Sir," Jane acknowledges.

"Rizzoli, I'm surprised you're here today." Lt. Cavanaugh responds, with a puzzled look on his face.

"Why is that?" Jane quips, pushing the down button, somewhat forcibly, as if willing the elevator to magically appear at her whim.

"Because Dr. Isles has taken an extended leave, and I was certain you'd be taking some time off with her." Jane looks at Lt. Cavanaugh quizzically, and he grows red under her glare.

"What do you mean, she has taken an extended leave?" She steps towards him, her fingernails digging into the palm of her hand. She can feel her heartbeat quicken, and the feeling of unease threatens her breathing pattern.

"Well, she, uh… you didn't know?" Lt. Cavanaugh stammers.

"Didn't know what? _What_ is going on, Lieutenant?" Jane is trying hard to slow her thinking pattern down. What has she missed? Maura hadn't told her anything about taking time off. Maura hadn't told her anything at all, right?

"I'm not sure exactly, something about her having family business to tend to. Something in regards to a sister?"

Lt. Cavanaugh could only stare at Jane Rizzoli's back as she stalked out the front doors of the precinct and down the steps. As she approached her cruiser, she could feel the bile rise back up her throat. Maura was going to donate her kidney to that wicked teenager after all, and if that wasn't bad enough, she didn't even want Jane there with her when she underwent the procedure.

Jane pulled her cell phone out and immediately dialed Boston General. "Yes, this is Jane Rizzoli, Boston Homicide... I'm calling to inquire about a patient scheduled for surgery. The patient's name is Dr. Maura Isles." Jane's heart sank as the admissions nurse verified that Maura was scheduled for surgery shortly. Jane realized that making it to the hospital before her surgery wasn't a possibility, but she could damn well be there when Maura woke up.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: We are overwhelmed at the amount of follows, favorites, and reviews! Thanks so much for giving this story a chance! We're glad to see that people are starting to love this story as much as we do! There have been multiple reviews asking what our endgame is… Rizzles is the word! (;**

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><p>When Jane arrived at the hospital, she demanded to be alerted to when Maura's surgery was complete. During the two hours that Jane spent pacing the hallway, fists clenching and unclenching, hands aimlessly wandering through her dark, unkempt hair, Jane had prepared her speech for when Maura would wake up. She had bargained and pleaded with God, praying that Maura came through the surgery with no complications. But fear and anger won out, and she found herself being furious that Maura would keep something this life altering to herself. <em>"Don't we tell each other everything?"<em> Jane thought. _"Well, maybe not everything. Some things you can't say out loud, things that would ruin a friendship. Those things you keep to yourself."_ As Jane wrestled with this inner dialogue, her anger put a stop to that thought process.

Jane stopped pacing and stared out a window, thinking about her best friend and being completely overwhelmed by this woman who was so generous that she would give her kidney to a complete stranger, only to be subjected to the pain of anonymity that came with it. She thought to herself, _"I couldn't be that generous. They don't deserve her, not any part of her, not after the way they have rejected her, discarded her."_ Jane cringed when she remembered the night she picked Maura up off her living room floor after Hope and Cailin had left her there alone, rejected, and broken. As Jane felt the weight of Maura in her arms, she knew in that moment she loved her more than anyone should ever love another person. It was Jane who was there to console, reassure, and love. It was Jane that pushed the strands of tear-soaked hair off Maura's face, who held her as sobs wracked her petite frame. Maura's hurt consumed Jane, and she vowed then to never allow Hope Martin to get close enough to Maura to cause such emotional pain.

Tears formed in her eyes, and she put her hand up on the window, steadying herself. From somewhere behind her, she heard a voice call out, "Family of Dr. Isles?" As she turned around, her eyes met the surgeon's and she exhaled. An exhale that was full of relief, and fighting more times that she cared to admit since she entered the hospital, the urge to burst into tears. It was in this moment, she promised herself that at some point when she could put this behind her, she would come clean with Maura about her feelings. It wasn't normal for a "friend" to feel this way; to be unable to function without the other's presence.

Jane followed the surgeon, Dr. Womack, back a long corridor while he filled her in on the details of the surgery. Dr. Womack explained that while it was an outpatient procedure, it would be a day or two before Maura was released because they need to monitor her vitals and see how quickly she rebounds from the anesthesia. He also added that Jane could visit with her as long as Dr. Isles allowed her to be there. Jane had been so engrossed in her thoughts that she continued walking and bumped right into the surgeon as he had stopped outside of a recovery bay. Dr. Womack motioned for Jane to make herself comfortable, and assured her that Dr. Isles would have nurses in and out until they moved her to her private room for observation.

Jane was immediately struck at how pale and fragile Maura looked lying on the hospital bed. Her golden hair was fanned out across the pillow and her pale lips were parted. She was dwarfed by the hospital gown she wore and as Jane approached, she could see the gentle rise and fall of her chest. She looked so peaceful, although that wouldn't last long, and Jane winced remembering the surgeon's explanation of what the next few weeks of healing had in store for Maura. The surge of anger she felt initially dissipated, and was replaced with a feeling of relief and a feeling of joy that she could be here, be present with her. Maura wasn't alone and she would _never_ be alone again as long as Jane had breath left in her body. She wouldn't allow Hope and Cailin to reject Maura again. Pulling a plush chair up next to the bed, she sat down and took Maura's hand in hers. She allowed the tears that had been threatening all day to fall.

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><p>Jane must have fallen asleep, the emotional turmoil having exhausted her, and she was startled awake by a squeeze to her hand and a sharp intake of breath. "Maura," Jane cried. "Do I need to get a nurse?"<p>

As brown eyes met hazel, Jane watched the confusion, the realization, and finally panic overcome the face of the beautiful doctor. "No...just...everything hurts," Maura manages as tears welled up and threaten to spill over.

Jane pushed the nurse's button frantically. In that moment, Jane would have literally done anything if it meant freeing Maura from the physical pain and emotional turmoil her biological family had brought with them. In this moment, Jane selfishly wished that Hope and Cailin had never come into Maura's life. Jane pushed Maura's hair back from her cheek and leaned over to kiss her forehead. She knew the road to recovery from this surgery would be long and emotionally draining.

"It's ok...it's all going to be ok. I'm here. I'm here." Jane murmured softly as she stroked Maura's hair, praying silently that the nurse would come and give her something to take the edge off the pain.

As Maura struggled to get comfortable, one of the nurses came in and asked Maura to rate her pain. Jane threw the nurse a dirty look and let out a discontented snort, as it was clear that Maura was in a considerable amount of pain. Jane was barely paid attention to as more medication was pushed into Maura's IV. The nurse informed Maura before she slipped back into sleep that Dr. Womack would be in to check her blood pressure readings again prior to moving her to a private room.

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><p>Maura had been moved to her private room, and Jane stood with her back to the hospital bed and her hands shoved in her pant pockets as she stared out the window at the Boston skyline. She had spent at least an hour watching the medical examiner sleep. She knew that Maura was beautiful, but she was not prepared for the emotions that overtook her as she sat at her bedside. Jane was mesmerized at the splay of freckles across her nose, her dark lashes and the way they danced while she dreamt, and how her lips parted gently every so often when she exhaled. Jane wanted to reach out and smooth her hand over Maura's jaw line. <em>God, what I wouldn't give to know what her skin would feel like under my lips. <em>In that moment, Jane extricated herself from the chair and scolded herself internally, working hard to tamp down the feelings that so often came bubbling to the surface whenever she thought about Maura. _Now is not the time, Rizzoli._

She heard a light knock on the door, and as she turned around, Angela walked in, carrying lunch and a bouquet of flowers. Angela set the flowers down on the side table and bent down to press a kiss into Maura's hair.

"How's it going in here?" she asked.

Jane sighed. "As good as expected, I guess. She hasn't come to yet, but they expect her to soon. I just pray she won't be in a lot of pain," she said, gazing at Maura and absentmindedly covering her friend's hand with her own. The tenderness in her voice surprised Angela. There was something almost reverent about it.

Angela took notice of the gesture, but decided against mentioning it. She had never seen Jane so still, so quiet, so grounded. Her eyebrows rose as she took in the gestures before her, but when Jane met her gaze, she could see the hurt, betrayal, and anger threatening to erupt.

"Jane," Angela whispered and motioned for Jane to follow her over to other side of the room. "What are you thinking, honey?" Angela knew that getting her to discuss her feelings almost never happened. She was more likely to talk about her feelings with Maura than with anyone else. Angela momentarily felt badly for capitalizing on Jane's moment of weakness, but there was a sense of urgency that accompanied this observation. She knew that emotions such as these could ruin the best of friendships, or rather the best of relationships, if not dealt with properly.

Angela looked at Jane, really looked at her, for the first time in a long time and slowly took in her daughter's countenance. Jane's raven hair was as wild as ever but attempted to be tamed in a ponytail. Her dark brown eyes were red-rimmed, and she worried at her bottom lip. Her posture was decidedly depressed, with her shoulders drooping forward and her hands shoved deep into her pants. This wasn't the countenance of a friend. This was the countenance of something deeper, something undiscovered. Angela reached out to smooth a stay curl from Jane's face and she leaned into her mother's touch. She took a hesitant step forward and allowed Angela to wrap her up in an embrace.

As Angela tightened her grip around her daughter, relishing the fact that Jane was actually allowing her to hold her, she felt the sobs as they wracked Jane's body. Minutes passed before her body relaxed into Angela's as the sobs subsided. "Wha-what if...if she...wha-what," Jane hiccupped and Angela held Jane's head to her shoulder, her hand rubbing soothing circles against her back. Angela directed them to the small built-in couch and they sat down facing one another. She took Jane's hand in her own and placed her other hand under Jane's chin, guiding her gaze to her eyes.

"Look at me, Jane. Maura is fine. She made this decision because she felt like this was something she had to do. She is such a generous person, Jane, and you should not take this decision as a slight against you. If she had turned her back on Cailin, she wouldn't be the person that you love." Jane's eyes widened and before she could retreat, Angela shook her head almost imperceptibly. "I can't believe….all these years, and I haven't seen it."

Jane swallowed thickly, her breathing threatening to progress into hyperventilation. "Ma…" She started.

"Jane, let me explain something to you. There is nothing, absolutely_ nothing_, that you could tell me about yourself that would ever separate me from loving you. _Accepting_ you. You are my daughter and I am in awe of you." She reached out and placed her hand on Jane's cheek.

Maura hears whispers of a distant conversation, voices recognizable, as she tries to work through the thick fog her brain is engulfed in. Her mouth is dry and she wishes she could just manage to open her eyes. She lay still, trying to gather her wits about her, when she hears the voices rise. Suddenly she becomes aware that the conversation is about her. She desperately tries to process what is being said, but her brain is so hazy from the painkillers, she's having difficulty focusing.

"Jane," Angela continued, "people live their whole lives without finding what you have found in Maura. What the two of you have defies logic, convention. You couldn't be any more opposite, but instead of it hindering your relationship, it strengthens it. Please don't throw this away for harbored anger. I know how you felt about her even _considering_ donating her kidney but Jane, this was her decision. I know you're hurt that she didn't confide in you, but please understand where she is coming from. Please come to terms with whom you are and who you love, and know that our family supports you in everything that you do. We love you and we love Maura. She makes you happy, Jane. All we've ever wanted is for you to be happy. For Maura to be happy."

_Hurt. Love. Happy. _Snapshots of a conversation between Angela and Jane. Maura's heart is skipping beats, and she feels lightheaded and grounded all at the same time. She hears the alarms on the monitors start to go off and within seconds, the door is opening and the nurse, Erin, rushes in to check her vitals and clear the monitors. The commotion in the room drew Angela and Jane from their conversation and both women flanked Maura in her hospital bed as she awoke. "Maur?" she hears, and she becomes aware of two scarred hands pressing into her arm. Her eyes fluttered open and her heart swelled as she took in the sight of these women in front of her. These women who had dropped everything today to come and be by her side. She laughed bitterly at herself inside, her conscience telling her that she isn't deserving of their love, their support. She managed a weak smile and her eyes flitted back from Jane to Angela. They seemed to be in a staring contest of sorts. She watched as Angela's eyes tried to convey a silent message to Jane. She noticed that Jane was looking pointedly at Angela, desperately trying to convey her own silent message.

Maura finally broke the silence, "How did...who told you I was here?"

Jane replied flippantly, "I'm a detective, Maura. It didn't take long for me to realize where you were when I got to work and was informed you had taken an 'extended leave of absence'."

Angela asked cautiously, "Maura, sweetheart, how do you feel?" She threw Jane a look, eyes imploring Jane to be kind.

"I'm very sore, much more so than I had anticipated. And I'm exhausted, but thank you for asking." Maura sighed and turned her attention back to Jane. She swallowed thickly and squeezed Jane's hand. Jane was avoiding eye contact with her at all costs.

Maura decided that she would give Jane the space she needed so she again turned her attention back to Angela. "Thank you so much for coming."

Angela sighed and ran her hand through Maura's hair, smoothing it back from her face. "Maura," she started, "why didn't you tell us?"

Maura chuckled, knowing that she could always depend on Angela to cut right to the chase. It would take days for her to pull that question out of Jane. "Angela… it's complicated."

Jane let out a dry laugh and replied, "When is it not complicated with your family?"

Angela looked across the hospital bed at Jane, dumbfounded at her response. This woman was just consumed with fear at the mere thought of losing Maura, yet here she was, reconstructing the wall to keep everyone out.

Maura withdrew her hand from Jane's and tried to push herself up into more of a sitting position, but she felt the impact of the carbon dioxide that had been pumped into her stomach cavity and the force of the pressure on her shoulder literally stole her breath away. She leaned over to the other side, trying to catch her breath. Never in a lifetime could she have anticipated the amount of pain associated with donating a kidney. The literature she pored over did not prepare her for this. Jane could see the physical struggle Maura was engaged in, and all of the anger subsided, again, as she reached out to help Maura back into a reclining position.

"Why are you holding your shoulder, Maura? Do I need to call for a doctor?" Maura was shocked by the amount of fear and uncertainty she heard in Jane's voice.

Maura allowed Jane's hands to guide her onto her back and she took a deep breath. "It's the carbon dioxide they pumped into my stomach cavity. It's quite common, but I wasn't prepared for the level of pain associated with it." Maura's eyes finally met Jane's and she gave her a half smile, "I'm ok." Jane held up Maura's morphine pump that Erin showed her earlier and pushed the button, unconvinced.

"Rest." Jane ordered. "There's nothing to talk about now that can't wait. I'll be here when you wake up." She pulled her seat up next to Maura's bedside.

Angela stood across from her girls, watching in amazement at how tender Jane could be. Jane was looking at her hands, which encased one of Maura's. But Maura, Angela noticed, was looking directly at Jane, something between guilt and adoration playing across her features.

Angela leaned over and kissed Maura on the forehead. "I'm going to go so you can get some rest." She looked across at Jane, adding, "Call me if you need anything."

Jane asked as Angela gathered her belongings, "Ma, will you please look after Jo Friday until-"

Maura cut her off and whispered, "Jane, you don't have to stay here with me."

Jane ignored Maura's comment and added for good measure, "Will you bring me a change of clothes, some pajamas and some personal items? My overnight bag is in my closet."

Angela nodded, a thin smile playing across her lips. "Sure, honey. I love you girls," she said softly as she pushed open the door to Maura's room.

Jane could feel Maura's eyes on her as the silence engulfed them. "I won't leave you, Maur," was all Maura heard before she was pulled back into sleep.

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><p>Maura had woken up for dinner and refused to eat. An argument ensued. Jane won. Another argument ensued over what to watch on TV. Maura won. Jane thought it felt nice that things seemed somewhat normal between them. Maura fell asleep shortly after the documentary began, and Jane had been channel surfing when she heard the first whimper. She took Maura's hand and stroked her arm, whispering and consoling her. She could see Maura's respiration rate change and it just destroyed her to see Maura in such pain. She impulsively slipped her shoes off and gingerly climbed into the bed, spooning Maura. She was careful not to disturb any of the leads or her IV, but she scooted as close as she could until she could smell Maura's shampoo. She continued to whisper words of consolation in her ear, rubbing her hand up and down her arm until the tension in her body relaxed.<p>

When Maura woke up a short time later, she noted that the sun was setting and she was lying on her side. She could feel the weight of a familiar body pressed up against her. She smiled, a genuine smile despite the discomfort, at the warmth radiating from Jane's body. Maura's body ached in places she had never felt pain before. Her mouth was dry and she was hungry, but she wouldn't disrupt Jane. She couldn't bear to not be touching her. It was like every other time; she was comforted in sleep by Jane's body pressed into her. So she closed her eyes and allowed Jane's breathing to lull her back to sleep.

Angela quietly slipped into the private room and stopped at the sight before her. She had ended up working late, and as she gathered some of Jane's things, she contemplated just dropping them off in the morning, but she was so glad she had decided to deliver the requested items tonight. Moonlight was streaming in through the blinds and Jane was curled up behind Maura, her right arm gingerly draped over Maura's side and her hand was tucked into Maura's. One of Jane's legs had separated Maura's and it was difficult to tell where one woman started and the other began. Angela was struck at the peace on both of their faces. She laid Jane's belongings on the couch and backed out of the room.

It was impossible for Erin and Jessie, the nurses at the station, to ignore the smile of the Rizzoli matriarch as she passed by them on her way out of the hospital. They couldn't get to the room of Dr. Isles fast enough. Jessie pried open the door to Maura's room and they gaped at the women entangled in one another. At the sight before them, Jessie groaned as she and Erin exchanged a knowing glance. Jessie reached into the pocket of her scrubs and handed over a twenty dollar bill.

"Told ya."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Once again, thank you for all of the follows, favorites, and reviews! We are overjoyed!**

**DISCLAIMER: We obviously own nothing, though we wish we did.**

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><p>The next 48 hours were a blur of medication-induced grogginess, impromptu naps, and a nagging sense of dread that coiled deep in Maura's belly. Having a catheter removed and needing assistance bathing definitely ranked up there as the most undignified life experiences stemming from recovery. Although Maura had dealt with her fair share of social embarrassment in her life, those experiences paled in comparison. But more so, Maura was bewildered that Jane never left her side, force feeding her food and ice chips, and relieved that it was Jane's hands holding her up when she took her first few post-surgical steps. At night when she could hear Jane's breathing even out, Maura would let the tears fall quietly that she had held in all day. She knew her decision, and the way that she conducted herself hurt Jane deeply. What she had done to Jane was inexcusable. It was something Maura didn't know if she could ever forgive herself for.<p>

Discharge day rolled around and despite it being a Monday, Jane pulled Maura's Prius to the curb and the attendant assisted Maura on getting into the car. Jane's mind was reeling with the information the discharge nurse and surgeon had given them on possible complications. Jane leaned in and reached over Maura to secure her seatbelt and Maura reached down and grabbed Jane's hand.

"Thank you," she said quietly, her eyes searching Jane's for something, anything she could anchor herself to. She opened her mouth again, like she had something to add, but refrained, and laid her head back against the headrest, closing her eyes.

As Jane climbed into the driver's side, she reached for Maura's hand and whispered, "No, thank you."

If Maura wondered at Jane's response, she didn't comment on it. The ride back to Maura's house was filled with uncomfortable silence, and Jane tried to navigate the roads carefully as to not cause any more discomfort to Maura. Jane was thankful that they made it to the house without incident and as she opened Maura's door, she noticed that Maura was contemplating the best way to get out of the sedan. She readied her key, carefully reached under Maura and scooped her right up, carrying her up the walkway and into the house. She deposited her on the couch and made her way into the kitchen to put on some soup.

"Jane," Maura yawned wearily, "why aren't you working today?"

Jane froze in the kitchen, the speech she had prepared earlier a distant memory. She cleared her throat, and replied, "I would rather be here helping you. Besides, you know Pike and I don't get along," she joked. Jane wanted to add, _"Because I love you. Because you need me. Because your wretched egg donor pretends like you're buried in that cemetery and your wicked sister probably won't be grateful for your kidney…"_ but she didn't. She could think all of the terrible things she wanted to about Hope and Cailin, but she would bite her tongue off before she ever made Maura feel any more terrible about the way they treated her than she already did. Maura didn't respond and Jane didn't elaborate. Jane's face was crimson red and she accepted that Maura had probably dozed off.

As she carried a tray of soup and crackers to Maura, she realized that she had not been asleep at all. Rather, she was watching Jane intently, curiously, longingly, and if Jane didn't know better, she could have sworn she saw embarrassment on Maura's face at being caught. Jane buried that thought deep as she propped Maura up. "You eat this and then I'll move you up to bed."

Maura's eyes flickered from the soup to Jane's eyes briefly but asked, "Where will you go?" Maura gladly took her medication Jane provided on her tray in hopes of chasing some of the lingering pain away. Maura hesitantly started to eat, small bites at a time, pretending that the tray in front of her was the most interesting object in the world.

In that moment, Jane felt rage. Rage that Maura would assume that she would leave her. Jane decided that she couldn't stand it anymore. She had to ask, had to know...she had to reach out and touch the fire, to feel the burn. "Maura," she started, "why didn't you tell me about the surgery? Do you think so little of me that you would keep something this important to you, from me?"

Maura felt like she had been slapped in the face. _Did_ she think so little of Jane? Her heart plummeted as she took in Jane's defeated posture. Inwardly, Maura scolded herself for trying to justify her actions. She knew what she had done was wrong, and she knew how she would feel if Jane kept something so important from her. How was Jane supposed to know that Maura kept it from her because she couldn't stand to see the look of disappointment crossing Jane's face at the realization that she was giving a part of herself to someone who had treated her so cruelly? Maura knew how Jane felt about Hope and Cailin; she had been very vocal about it. How was Jane supposed to know that Maura couldn't stand the thought of Jane pacing the hallways of the hospital, waiting for the all clear from the surgeon? How was Jane supposed to know that Maura simply couldn't stand Jane feeling responsible for her?

"Ahh." Was all Maura could manage before Jane straightened herself up and strode across the living room and into the kitchen, purposely putting distance between the two of them. She could feel Jane pulling away from her, steeling herself from rejection she knew was coming. Maura tried to clear her head and gather her thoughts, choosing her words carefully. "I knew,_ know_, how you felt about this decision."

Jane rubbed a hand over her face, trying to keep her emotions in check, but failing miserably, "Maura, you donated a fucking kidney! This _is_ a big deal. It's a life-altering choice that you made for someone you barely know. And you didn't tell me. You _hid_ it from me!" Jane's face was a shade of crimson Maura had only seen a few times. She had hoped to never be on the receiving end of it. Jane stalked towards Maura, and continued, "I was here to pick you off the floor when Hope broke you. I helped put those pieces back together. You donated your kidney with disregard for the impact it would have on your life. On _us_. And for whom? Did you do this for Cailin or did you do this for Hope? Did it ever occur to you why you were so willing to part with an organ for someone you don't know? Someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated?"

_Us._ This did not go unnoticed by Maura. She was scrambling for answers, anything to delay the enormous impact of Jane's words. Jane sat down gingerly next to Maura on the couch, and turned to her with tears in her eyes, reaching out and placing a hand on Maura's knee. When Maura saw the depth of her omission in Jane's eyes, she could no longer maintain eye contact. "I did this for Cailin. If I didn't...if I hadn't...it isn't Cailin's fault. And yes, a part of me did it for Hope. Is it really necessary for her to grieve two daughters' deaths? And I suppose, in the end, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I had the opportunity to save Cailin's life and I chose not to." Maura sighed and looked Jane square in the eye.

"I didn't want my decision to burden you." She whispered. Jane felt all the air leave her lungs with Maura's confession. "It wasn't, it isn't, fair to you..."

Jane's eyes widened, she could feel her respiration rate change, and her hand started tracing random patterns on Maura's knee. Out of the corner of her eyes, Maura could see Jane's mouth opening and for once, thinking better of her initial response, Jane closed her mouth and took a deep breath. Maura's breathing hitched as shocks ran up into her core from the heat radiating from Jane's fingertips. She was suddenly finding it very difficult to focus on the conversation before her.

"You could never be a burden to me." _Because you're everything to me_. _Maddening. Frustrating. Perfect._ "Have I ever made you feel that way before?" _Don't you know I love you?_ Jane blinked back tears, and steeling herself against Maura's gaze, she turned her head, "Do you even know...what if..." _I can't verbalize what I would do if I had to live without you. It would destroy me. _

"I don't think in what if terms, Jane. I'm fine. It's all going to be ok." Maura calmly reassured Jane, who was visibly shaken. Maura felt a deep ache settle in her bones, knowing that in her attempt to protect Jane, she had hurt her. Deeply. Possibly even made her question their friendship. Maura closed her eyes and let out a deep breath she didn't know she was holding. She carefully positioned herself against Jane, her head on Jane's shoulder. Jane brought her arm around Maura's shoulders, grateful that Maura couldn't see the range of emotions playing over her face. "Really." Maura's half hearted attempt at reassurance did not sit well with Jane.

"Maura, don't ever think such things about yourself again. I'm here because I want to be here. Not because I feel obligated to be." _What isn't fair_, Jane thought to herself,_ is that it's been 3 days since you donated an organ and not even so much as a phone call from the egg donor._ Jane absentmindedly ran her hands through Maura's curls as she felt Maura relax into her embrace. Before she knew it, Maura's shallow breathing beside her lulled her into slumber.

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><p>Maura felt the sun beating down on her body, and she could hear the waves lapping against the sand. She pulled her hair up into a bun off her neck, trying to cool herself off. She readjusted and felt the weight of her book in her hands, and she turned the page of her medical journal and forced herself to train her eyes on the article before her. It was no use, she was restless. She stood up and tried to position the umbrella so it would provide more shade when she felt a pair of arms snake around her waist. The touch startled her and as she tried to turn around she felt the arms tighten around her, holding her in place.<p>

Jane was startled by Maura gasping in her sleep. She repositioned herself, only to see that Maura was obviously dreaming. Maura's perfect mouth was parted slightly and her lips were pursed, and Jane could see the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

Maura felt droplets of cold water trickling down her shoulders and arms and felt the faintest breath just behind her ear. She shivered and felt one hand sliding down the curve of her stomach, hovering just above her navel. The lips she felt on her neck started torturously making their descent from her pulse point to her shoulder. She bit down on her lip and suppressed a moan. Her senses were on fire. The hand on her stomach was moving lower at too slow a pace and the other hand was squeezing at her ribcage, holding her close. As if she was going anywhere.

Jane watched this dream play out across Maura's face. Her chest and face were flushed and she had actual goose bumps on her arms. Her pulse was rapid and as another gasp escaped her mouth. Jane sat upright and impulsively tried to wake her, when it occurred to her that this wasn't having a nightmare. Jane had her fair share of these dreams, all of them about Maura. She could tell how aroused Maura was and she suddenly felt the urge to flee the room. But she was rooted to this couch, and she felt herself wondering what it would look like when Maura came undone.

Maura gasped as teeth nipped at her neck and sighed when a tongue soothed the sting. She could feel the ghosting of fingertips at the underside of her bikini top, working their way under the fabric. Maura arched into the touch. Maura recognized these scarred hands, these fingers. She was suddenly very aware that this body she was anchored to was decidedly soft; feminine, yet strong. Just as the hand dipped under her bikini bottoms, fingertips scorching wet flesh, Maura begged for more, "Please, Jane, don't stop." Just as she felt her release building, but before she could fall apart, Maura sat straight up on the couch, gasping for air, "Jane." Maura cried out as she felt the intense pain in her abdomen from the abrupt movement.

Jane stilled her hand on Maura's back and felt Maura repel her touch initially, somewhat hesitant and still groggy from her nap. Maura's breathing was ragged and she was shaking. Jane coaxed Maura to recline back onto the couch and Jane bent down, picked her up, and began to carry her into the master bedroom.

"You'll be more comfortable in your own bed, "Jane stated simply. Maura buried her head in Jane's shoulder and took in the scent from her shirt. It calmed her immediately and she fisted the back of Jane's shirt, pulling herself closer into her. As Jane laid her down onto her bed and disappeared into the ensuite, Maura had a sudden realization that the dream caused the abrupt pain. That the dream she had was about Jane. Jane's hands torturing her skin, burning a path to her core. Jane's lips memorizing the sweet spots of her neck, her shoulder. Maura bit down on her lip, stifling a moan at the ache developing in her core and the inability to chase the release she so desperately needs.

Jane stood for a moment in the ensuite, surveying herself in the mirror. Her eyes widened as she processed what had just taken place in front of her. The realization hit her like a ton of bricks, but she couldn't stop smiling. Maura was dreaming about her. Jane's heart swelled and for a split second, she allowed her thoughts of a life with Maura, as hers, to take over. But it was a fleeting thought, and as her senses returned to normal, Jane felt panicked, and she needed to get away. She didn't want to leave Maura alone, but she couldn't stay here. She had so many thoughts running through her mind at such a rapid pace, she just needed to escape. Just long enough so she could simply clear her head. She reminded herself as she exited the ensuite, _you are not running away, Rizzoli, you are not running away._ She threw her hair up into a ponytail and walked to Maura's side of the bed. She leaned down and pressed a kiss in her sweet-smelling hair.

"I'm going for a run. I'll be back in a bit. Is there anything you need before I go?" She asked before disappearing into Maura's closet.

Maura couldn't hide the disappointment on her face, but she knew she didn't reserve the right to be hurt. She couldn't ignore the sound of Jane bouncing around on the balls of her feet, couldn't ignore Jane's need to burn energy. She also couldn't ignore the way Jane looked in those running shorts as she walked back towards the bed. Maura had observed Jane enough to know how nervous she was. Jane needed time, and space. "No, I don't think so."

Jane smiled. "Of course. In the meantime, get some rest, okay? You need it."

Maura agreed to sleep as Jane slipped on her running shoes. She grabbed her phone and key, opened the front door, breathed in the fresh air, and readied herself to run until she couldn't run any more.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry it took a while for this next post! It's been a busy week for the both of us! But, we're back and we hope you love this next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: We wish we owned them. It would make life so much easier.**

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><p>Jane returned from her run, recharged and of clear mind. She had just stepped out of the guest shower when she heard a loud cry, of what sounded like pain. She sprints from the guest bathroom, barely clad in a towel. When she enters the master bedroom, she looks upon her best friend in horror as she sees her body in an awkward position and tears streaming down her face.<p>

"What's wrong?" Jane says as she helps Maura sit up. She unconsciously wipes the tears from Maura's face with a tissue she gathered from the night table.

"'I….I'm in so much pain and I can't reach the pills. Can you get one for me?"

"Of course. Yell for me next time, don't try to get it yourself, okay? That's what friends are for. It's why I'm here."

_Is that what we really are? Friends? Is that all you want this to be? _Jane's mind screams.

"I know, I just didn't expect it to hurt this much."

Jane pops the lid off of the pill bottle and fishes one out. "Here," she says, handing Maura a pill and a glass of water.

After several large gulps, Maura hands the glass back to Jane and expresses her gratitude.

"Is there anything else you need?" Jane says, looking upon her friend lovingly.

Maura forces a smile. "I think I'm good, thanks. I'm just going to sit up for a bit to make sure the pill goes down."

"Okay. Well, like I said, if you need me, I'm just one room away. Yell if you need me, okay?"

"I will, I promise. Thanks, Jane," Maura says, gingerly situating herself into a comfortable position in her bed.

They share a smile and Jane moves toward the door, suddenly aware that she is only clad in an ill fitting towel. She felt exposed and she could feel Maura's eyes trained on her. She self consciously tugged the towel around her tighter.

"Hey, Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could, uhh… do you think you could stay with me?"

She stood in the doorway with one hand on the doorknob and another hand in her wet hair, "Umm...Is that a good idea, Maur? I mean..." She trailed off, and for a fleeting second she swore she saw disappointment cross Maura's face. Jane quickly dismissed the notion. Wishful thinking.

After what felt like an eternity, Maura looked at the empty side of her bed, dismayed. "I just thought it would make sense for you to stay here, with me, in case I need you again."

Jane wanted to tell her, in that moment, that she wanted to be the only person Maura needed ever again. She wanted to hold her until the pain of her surgery went away, to be the one to kiss the scars as they healed.

Just as Jane was formulating a good excuse to remove herself from the master bedroom, her eyes met Maura's, and she knew it was inevitable. The pull to Maura was too great for her to fight. Without another thought, she closed the door behind her and walked into Maura's walk-in closet. She shrugged into some pajamas and walked to her side of their bed. _Wait, what? Her side? Since when was it their bed? _She filed that thought away to wrestle with at a later time. She climbed into bed and laid on her back, staring up at the ceiling. _Like I could ever tell Maura no_, she thought wryly, and fought a smirk back as the vacant space beside her suddenly became occupied.

"Jane?" Maura's tired voice broke through her thoughts.

"Hmmm?" was all she could manage.

"Forgive me?" The rest of the walls shattered at this timid request, but before Jane could respond, Maura cuddled into her side, head on Jane's shoulder, her arm gently lying across Jane's stomach. Maura tilted her face up and placed a gentle kiss to Jane's cheek. The unmistakable scent of Maura flooded her senses and it lit every nerve ending in her body on fire. Jane inhaled her scent and placed a lingering kiss on Maura's head, relishing the weight and feel of her pressed into her side. This wasn't the first time they slept like this, and it wouldn't be the last, but there was an unmistakable shift in their relationship in this moment. As sleep pulled them both under, Jane fell asleep, relaxed, with a smile on her face.

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><p>Jane woke up, feeling more rested than she had in a long time, but missing the warmth of Maura's body curled into her. She heard a slight sniffle, and she rolled over and realized that Maura was already awake, laying on her back, tears tracing patterns down either cheek. Jane sat up and scooted to the other side of the bed, and put her hand gingerly on Maura's hip.<p>

"Hey...is something hurting? Do you need some medicine?" Jane whispered.

Maura shook her head slightly and sighed, wiping tears away from her face. "No, it isn't physical pain." There was coldness to her voice, a distance Jane felt was more than the space Maura had put between them in the bed. Jane knew this coldness, had felt it before. It was Maura's defense mechanism.

Jane rubbed her hands over her eyes, and noticed that Maura looked despondent. Her red-rimmed hazel eyes appeared vacant, like the light in them had just dissolved. The mass of freckles covering her cheeks and nose were highlighted by the tear streaks. Seeing Maura struggle with physical pain hurt Jane, but the emotional pain was something she just couldn't bear to witness. Jane placed her hand on top of Maura's and sighed. This is actually what she feared the most. The moment the physical pain left her, Maura would be left with this gaping hole, the component of emotional pain scarring her more than a laparoscopy. The emotional pain that would change who Maura was, the emotional pain that would take Maura away from her.

"Maur," Jane began, "it won't always-" but Maura interrupted her.

"Jane, can I just be alone for a little while? I….I need some space. Please." Maura turned onto her side, facing away from Jane. Maura's mind was racing, fantasies of how she had envisioned Hope reaching out to her, finally embracing her, and being grateful for the life she extended. Instead, Hope simply continued to pretend she didn't exist. The logical side of Maura taunted her, _you wanted to be anonymous, this was all your choice_. The emotional side of Maura wanted to curl up in a fetal position and die._ You have never in your life known what it feels like to be loved, to be wanted, to be treated as if you have feelings at all. Until Jane. If it hadn't been for Jane, you would never know how it feels to belong, to matter. Never know what being loved feels like. You would never truly know what coming home means._ Maura didn't really want Jane to leave, but she didn't want Jane to be there when she fell apart. When the final rejection really took its toll on her.

When Jane emerged from the bathroom, Maura had turned toward the other side of the bed so that Jane couldn't see her face. Jane, against her better instincts, slipped quietly out of the bedroom, leaving the door ajar, and padded down the hallway. As her foot hit the first step, a muffled cry broke through the silence. Jane pressed her fingernails into the palms of her hand, her nostrils flaring, as she forced herself to continue walking away from Maura. She made her way downstairs, slowly, and flopped down on Maura's couch, staring blankly for what seemed like hours.

Slowly, Jane started to acclimate herself in her surroundings. She stood and walked around the room, reveling in the small touches of Maura she could see everywhere. The vast genre of books, trinkets from her travels across the world, wall hangings that of significance to her. A few pictures, of Jane and Maura, Maura and Jane's family. The sudden realization, as it sunk in, of what couldn't be seen. What didn't exist. Maura had no pictures of her own family in her own home. Jane's heart sunk at the consequence of her realization._ I've never made her feel like a burden_. Maura's reality is that she _is_ a burden. It was evident in her wistfully recalled stories of what should have been an idyllic childhood. It was how Maura felt as a child when her parents would leave her for stretches of time, with caregivers whom she never really attached to. It was how she felt, at 10, when she asked to be sent away to a boarding school on another continent. It was evident in the pain behind her eyes, the pain that even Maura's beautiful smile couldn't hide. Jane could feel something start to boil in her stomach, rage at the fact that Maura felt like she had to suffer indignities in this life alone, detached, purposely separated from anyone and everyone that surrounded her. Rage that this was Maura's reality. Anger at herself for not realizing it sooner. Jane rubbed her eyes with the heels of her palms and fought down pangs of guilt.

_Maura doesn't trust me completely, Maura cannot trust anyone completely. This is why she didn't tell me. She couldn't give me a reason to pull away, to disengage with her, to leave her all alone. She can never heal until she realizes that those choices others made aren't a reflection of who she is. It is who they are. She could never be a burden to me; she could never be anything but the love of my life. This isn't about you, Rizzoli. This is about Maura, about what she needs, what she wants. How can I help her move past this? What can I do?_

Without thinking, she picked up her cell phone and scrolled through the contacts. Before her mind could catch up with her heart, her finger pushed the phone icon and she hesitantly placed her cell phone against her ear.

"Hello?" An all too familiar voice answered.

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><p>"Dr. Martin, um, Hope, it's Detective...Jane." She rolls her eyes at how lame she sounds, so unsure of herself. But she <em>is <em>unsure, and she hopes against hope that she is doing the right thing.

"Yes...Jane?" Hope Martin responded, clearly confused.

Jane, outraged at how clueless Hope Martin sounds, responds, "I'm calling about Maura." She added, for good measure, "You know, Maura Isles?"

Jane hears a sharp intake of breath and then complete silence. "Hello?"

"Um, yes, yes I'm here," Hope stammered. Having collected herself, she asks coolly, "How can I help you, Detective?"

"This isn't about me, Hope. Don't pretend that you can help _me_ with anything. This is about Maura." Jane started to feel the rage boil within, threatening to spill over into dangerous territory.

Hope cleared her throat, but responded meekly, with a simple, "Yes, yes of course. Please continue."

"Everything, to me, is about Maura. If I had my way about it, she would pretend like neither of you existed. It would be complete retribution for the way you have both treated her. Luckily for you and Cailin, Maura is kind, and good, and generous, but incredibly naive. It's my job to protect her and it doesn't seem like I've done a very good job at it lately. So from this point on, and I want you to heed this like the threat that it is, you will treat Maura with the respect that she deserves, the respect that her act of giving should command. Do you understand?" Jane was on a roll, and she didn't even give ample pause for Hope to respond.

"This means that you dignify her act, her_ gift_, if you will, with some sort of acknowledgement. Do you have any idea, the amount of pain she has willingly inflicted upon herself so that you wouldn't know the anguish of losing another daughter? Yet you haven't made one attempt to reach out to her. To comfort her. To _thank_ her." Jane is out of breath now, and Hope's silence isn't reassuring.

Jane can hear Hope crying quietly on the other end of the phone. Surprisingly enough, even to her, Jane feels not one shred of sympathy. She finally feels somewhat better, having gotten out what had been plaguing her mind and most importantly, her heart. When the realization sets in that if she hadn't been so prideful, so simple-minded and closed off, she could have prevented all of this. She could have, _should have_, been present the night Cailin barged into this house, the night that all hell broke loose.

"She asked to donate anonymously, "Hope stated tearfully, but matter-of-factly, trying to justify her lack of contact with Maura.

Jane scoffed, loudly and brashly, and countered. "But you knew. You _knew_. You can justify this any way you please, Dr. Martin, but answer this? How do you look at yourself in the mirror every day?" Jane could feel herself losing control.

"I expect you to do something to express some sentiment for the gift of life that Maura gave Cailin. Because she is an incredible woman, and I can't imagine that you cannot see that. Because you would _hate_ to have this conversation with me anywhere other than over the phone. And one final thing," Jane paused, taking a deep breath, "Maura is to never, _ever_ know that we had this conversation. Are we clear?"

Jane punctuated each word, and when she heard a strangled, "Yes," from the other line, Jane pressed the end button and threw her phone to the other end of the couch. She took a ragged breath and rose from the couch, intent on checking in on Maura and then maybe going for another run.

Maura stood deathly still on the stairway, one hand on her stomach, the other covering her mouth, stifling her sobs, tears streaming hot trails down her cheeks. She wanted to turn back, pretend like she hadn't overheard that conversation. She was in shock; she could hear Jane's feet approaching but she couldn't will herself to move, like her brain had no control over her body. Maybe it didn't, she reasoned. Maybe this is what it feels like when you let your heart lead for a change. In all her life, she had never had someone who fought so diligently for her. It occurred to her on some level that this dance she and Jane were doing wasn't hurting anyone but themselves. No one but them was living in this state of emotional limbo, and she was tired of denying, running, and pretending.

Jane rounded the corner, still trying to control her breathing, and tamp down her anger and disbelief when she was startled by a muffled sob. "Shit, Maura, you scared me," she said, startled as she looked up and saw Maura standing on the steps. She knew without a doubt that Maura had overheard every word spoken.

Jane didn't know whether to approach Maura and hold her, or whether to give her space. Luckily for Jane, Maura didn't torture her for long. Maura slowly made her way down the stairs, her gaze never leaving Jane's. Maura felt a hotness creep into her stomach, and it rose into her chest, then finally her face. Jane took a step back into the wall, her eyes widening as she took in this sight before her. Jane closed her eyes just as Maura's lips crashed into hers. Maura moved one hand into Jane's hair and the other to her face, pressing Jane up against the wall, anchoring Jane's body to hers. Jane opened her mouth, allowing Maura entrance, and she wondered in this moment how she existed for so long without knowing how Maura tasted. Jane's hands moved from Maura's hips up underneath the hem of her shirt. Maura felt Jane's searing touch on her naked skin and hissed. Jane moaned, pulling Maura in more forcefully against her hips, where Maura's leg parted Jane's, pressing into the apex of her thighs. Suddenly, Jane pushed away from Maura, both of them panting. She immediately grieved the loss of Maura's body pressed against her. Maura was flushed and aroused, and Jane couldn't take her eyes off Maura's kiss-swollen lips.

"Maura," Jane started. "We have to talk about this."

Maura reached out and took Jane's hand and placed it over her heart. Jane could feel her heart pounding.

"This is what you do to me," Maura admitted shyly. "It's yours. It's always been yours." And with that, Jane pulled Maura flush against her and kissed her forehead, cheek, nose, before settling her lips against Maura's. Jane felt Maura gasp into her mouth, relax in her embrace. They stayed like this, locked together by intertwined hands and joined mouths, for what seemed like forever.

As Maura pulled away, the corners of her lips upturned and Jane knew that smile would be the death of her. As Maura led Jane up the stairs to her bedroom, she turned around and winked. "Jane….we can talk later."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: As we wrap this story up, we just once again want to thank everyone who has supported this story in any way! We have worked really hard to make this story as perfect as we can get it, and we're so glad that people love it! After this chapter, there is only one chapter left! Look for it within this week! Thank you again! Y'all are the best! XO!**

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><p>Jane opened her eyes and was disoriented momentarily as she took in the warm hues of the room. The morning light was streaming through the windows and the glow of the sunlight served to warm the room. As Jane shifted in the bed, she felt warmth radiating from the body lying next to her. She watched as Maura slept soundly, her hair cascading across her pillow and splayed across half of her face, her lower back exposed from her tank top, one arm under her pillow and the other arm flung over the side of the bed. So peaceful, so beautiful, that Jane had to resist the urge to reach out and touch her soft skin.<p>

Jane's eyes lit up and her dimple made its presence known as she smiled, replaying the events of last night in her mind. After they managed to make it to the bedroom, Jane and Maura had laid in bed, wrapped up in one another, stealing gentle kisses and ignoring the harsh realities of the world outside. Jane studied Maura's face, memorizing each freckle, the flecks of green in her hazel eyes, and the way Maura's lips curved upward as Jane kissed her neck. Jane couldn't believe after all this time, this was the way their delicate dance unraveled. A mere overheard phone conversation. The simplicity of the moment did not escape her.

Jane was relieved that the circumstances forced the physical side of their relationship to blossom slowly, allowing them both time to ease into this new phase. Somewhere between their dueling tongues, gentle exploration and barely audible sighs, Maura finally settled on her stomach and Jane's hand gently traced hearts on Maura's back under the hem of her tank top. They laid like this until the early hours of the morning, whispering confessions of their feelings, and right before she drifted off to sleep, Maura couldn't help but think that this was the way she wanted to fall asleep every night, next to Jane in their bed, Jane's hands coaxing her into slumber.

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><p>As the days passed into the second week of recovery and Maura regained function and strength, Jane had to reluctantly force herself to go back to work at Maura's insistence. With promises to check in, Jane was stupefied at how she found herself counting down the minutes until she could be back with Maura. Jane marveled that it felt like nothing, yet everything, had changed. They were still the best of friends, yet infinitely more. The only thing that puzzled her was that they still had yet to talk about that night, the phone call. Jane didn't want to push Maura to discuss Hope, not before she was ready. Jane was preparing for her first three day weekend since returning back to work, and she was counting down the seconds until her shift was over. She shuffled some paperwork around on her desk and her mind flitted back to the conversation she had with Hope. It was apparently futile, as Hope had still made no attempts at contacting Maura. Maura was hurting still, and Jane knew it. She sighed inwardly, shaking her head and wondered, <em>what if I made things worse?<em>

_It had been 16 days since Maura's surgery_, Jane lamented, staring at her desk calendar. _13 days at home, and 10 of those days getting to know Maura on a completely different level_. It had only been 10 nights since they shared their innermost thoughts and feelings towards one another, and Jane couldn't be more delighted in the intimacy of the simple acts they shared. Playfully stolen kisses over coffee in the morning; reaching for Maura's hand while watching a boring documentary on TV; and lying in bed together, their hands tentatively exploring one another's bodies, no words having to be spoken. Jane had never truly understood the meaning of the word intimate until those shared moments with Maura.

Maura looked around the house, feeling the stillness and quiet overtake her. She had urged Jane to go back to work last week and she had spent every day since regretting it. Every day when Jane was gone and she was alone with her thoughts about Hope, she was surprised at how, once the hurt had disappeared, anger had quickly taken up residence. As Maura drank her coffee in solitude, the doorbell rang and she rolled her eyes, sighing loudly. Every couple of days for the past week, without fail, the doorbell would ring and she would politely answer it. She would kindly accept the latest token from some poor delivery man, promptly take the gift to the garbage, and dispose of it. Chocolate. A spa package. A fruit basket. She couldn't bring herself to throw the cards away, but she couldn't bring herself to read them, either. Maura's coldness to Hope's thank you attempts surprised and shocked her. She had decided it was better this way; to completely sever any chance at contact. Besides, she admitted bitterly, if Jane had never contacted Hope, it's likely these guilt-ridden gifts would never have been sent by Hope's own accord.

Like every other day on the job where Jane had somewhere else she wanted to be, she was forced to work late which meant she missed dinner, and also subsequent cuddle time with Maura. She texted Maura to let her know not to wait up and it was well after midnight when she slipped into bed beside Maura. Jane still somehow managed to wake up earlier, and as her days off stretched before her, there was a feeling of peace and serenity as she listened to Maura's steady breathing beside her. For the first time in her life, she was genuinely happy. She knew that her new-found happiness was mostly due to the beautiful medical examiner lying asleep next to her. Jane lost track of time as she laid there, watching the gentle rise and fall of Maura's back, but was broken out of her reverie when Maura started to stir next to her. Maura had shifted away from Jane in the night, but as she awoke, her body involuntarily gravitated back toward Jane.

"Good mornin'," Jane said with a smile.

"Hi," Maura replied, reciprocating with a sleepy smile. _That smile will be the death of me, _Jane thinks. "Sleep well?"

"Yep," _because I held you all night, _"very well. You?"

"Yes, considering the circumstances." Maura moved to sit up too suddenly and winced in pain. Jane checked the time and noticed that Maura was due for another pill. After getting Maura's meds and a glass of water, Jane crawled into her side and slid beneath the sheets, instantly pulling Maura closer to her.

"Feeling better at all? What do you want to do today?" Jane asked.

"It's been two weeks and I'm still sore," Maura pouted. "I can't move abruptly, and I fatigue so quickly, but other than that I feel okay." Maura paused, then added, "I'll probably just shower and lay on the couch all day. Maybe watch a movie?"

"Mmm, sounds perfect to me. I love lazy days."

There was a slight moment of silence and contemplation before Maura said, "You're staying?"

Jane's heart plummeted. Had Maura forgotten? "Of course. I'm off the next three days."

"I know," Maura said shyly, "It's just, you've been taking care of me for two weeks, Jane. I figured you had other things to do." she said, shrugging.

Jane's eyes softened as she pushed Maura's bedridden hair away from her eyes. "Nothing's more important than you, Maura."

Maura's face lit up like a kid who had just discovered Christmas morning. She reached out and intertwined her fingers with Jane's, kissing each individual finger, before slowly pushing herself up into a sitting position. She leaned back against her headboard, looking at the way her fingers fit perfectly inside of Jane's. _Like we were made for each other._ The silence was comforting, but Maura's psyche was waging an internal battle.

"Jane," Maura sighed, still searching for words, "I've been meaning to...I can't…Why is this so difficult?" Jane was amused at how someone who had used words as a coping mechanism was failing to form a coherent sentence.

"Take your time." Jane reassured her.

"That phone call," Maura blurted out, her disbelief evident, "I can't believe you did that for me. I should have said something sooner. I should have told you...I've never had someone..." a pause, as she searched for the right word, "fight... for me. And then this, _us_, is all new to me. I feel overwhelmed."

Jane propped herself up on her elbow, and brushed a lock of hair off Maura's cheek. "I understand how you feel. Everything happened quickly. It's a lot to take in," Jane mused, then added, "I'd have a thousand conversations with Hope, if this," she motions between the two of them, "would be the end result."

Maura's cheeks flushed red and in one fluid motion she had pushed herself up and off the bed, facing away from Jane. Her body absorbed the impact of her movement and Jane could see her wince in pain. Jane watched as she folded her arms across her body, instinctually protecting herself.

"I don't deserve you." Maura whispered, and Jane's heart nearly exploded.

Jane felt a momentary rush of panic, a fight or flight reaction to what she felt like would surely be Maura's rejection of her. Was this not what Maura wanted? She kneaded the scars on her hand, an unconsciously nervous habit.

"Maura, no. How could you think that? I didn't….I shouldn't have been so judgmental, Maur, about your decision. It's your family, _your _body." She could see Maura's rigid posture relax. "Maura, look at me."

Maura turned around slowly, her blonde hair tumbling across her shoulders and down her back. Her tank top revealed a toned abdomen and her yoga pants sat low on her hips. Jane found herself overwhelmed at Maura's natural beauty. Jane stumbled out of bed and crossed to the other side of the bedroom, taking Maura's in her arms. Maura allowed Jane to pull her into an embrace and Maura's head rested right before Jane's shoulder. Without her heels on, Maura noticed the height difference between the two of them and something about it made her feel comfortable and safe. Maura decided that she had never felt so safe in her life.

"You've never judged my family, and God knows we aren't perfect," she sighed. "It was wrong of me to be so vocal about Hope. I've realized, I didn't really create an environment where you felt safe confiding in me. And that, that was my fault. I was wrong."

Maura pulled back from their embrace and took Jane's hands in her own, tilting her head, eyes searching Jane's. "I could never judge your family, Jane. They mean so much to me. They have treated me so well, beyond anything I could have ever imagined." Maura dropped her gaze to their joined hands. "I never knew what having a family meant, until you invited me to join yours. I never knew what a home felt like," Jane squeezed Maura's hands, prompting her to continue, "until you."

"But then it also stirred all these feelings about my own family. All of the things I missed out on. I started to think that your family alone couldn't fill that void. I had felt empty for so long. My parents loved me, but they never really knew me. I used to daydream as a child," Maura's eyes filled with tears, "I would have these fantasies about my birth Mother and who she was. That someday we would meet and I would discover that she wanted to _know_ me, that she _wanted_ me."

Jane shook her head as she pulled Maura back down onto the bed. Jane sat facing Maura, and Maura sat stock still, facing forward and staring across the room, her posture uninviting. Jane had known for some time that Maura's greatest fear was being rejected by Hope. When that fear was realized, Maura had retreated back into herself, shutting everyone out and withdrawing socially. Jane had become afraid that the Maura she had grown to love would never resurface, that she would keep her heart locked away where no one could ever reach her to hurt her again. Maura relaxed at the physical contact when Jane's hand landed on her upper thigh, and continued.

"I knew that I was obligated to do the right thing for Cailin. If for no other reason, her life is just beginning. How could I take the opportunity away from her to grow, to marry, to love and be loved? My spite for Hope didn't extend that far. But, I did fantasize about how Hope would embrace me afterwards. S_ee_ me, _love_ me, _accept_ me." Maura shrugged out of her reverie, smoothing imaginary wrinkles out of her duvet. "It sounds so simple and pitiful, doesn't it? Like a fairy tale." She scoffed. "Stupid."

Jane took Maura by her shoulders, "Of all the words one could use to describe your feelings, Maura, simple, stupid, and pitiful are not amongst them. You are strong, brave, and_ good_, despite Hope and Paddy. Everything I said to Hope on the phone was the truth. I'm so sorry that she can't be who you need her to be. I'm _so sorry_ that you feel like her choices reflect on who you are. I wanted to protect you; I just didn't go about it in the right way. Maybe I shouldn't have-" The sound of the doorbell ringing startled both women; another moment, interrupted. Jane groaned and ran her hands through her hair.

"I'm not expecting anyone," Maura said with a confused look on her face.

Jane had already gotten up off the bed and shrugged into Maura's robe before the doorbell chimed again. "Go ahead and get in the shower. I'll take care of this and start on breakfast," Jane called behind her as she raced down the stairs.

Maura closed the ensuite door behind her and reached in the shower to turn on the water. She peeled her clothing off and glanced in the mirror at the small, angry scar still present on her side, somewhat hidden by the steri-strips. She turned her nose up at this reminder and gently ran her fingers across it. The warm water of the shower instantly soothed her, and she took in the deep practiced breaths she had been shown in the hospital. Suddenly, a realization hit her square in the gut.

_The doorbell. _

_No, no, no_, she thought. She hurried out of the shower as quickly as she could and got dressed, feeling a familiar pull in her side and a twinge in her back at the hurried motions. As she made her way down the stairs, she was only greeted with silence. She froze as her slipper-clad foot hit the hardwood floor and wondered if she could make a quick escape back to her bedroom.

The sight before her made her heart stop. Jane, pacing back and forth the length of the kitchen. Angela, still clad in her robe, hands gripping the countertop in front of her. A new, enormous bouquet of calla lilies and hydrangeas sat in a beautiful ornamental vase, adorning the breakfast nook. And Hope Martin, dressed to the nine's, despite the hour of the day, quietly seated at the breakfast bar. Her hands crossed and in her lap, expression stoic, a steaming cup of tea on the countertop in front of her where her gaze was fixed.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: It's crazy to think that it's been almost a month since we started this story! Again, a huge THANK YOU to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed, and favorited us and this story! We love you all!**

**We're working on another story right now (expect it soon!), but is there anything any of you lovely followers would like us to write? Leave us a review or PM us!**

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them. We're just two friends writing together on Google Docs.**

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><p>Maura's heart thudded in her chest.<p>

Jane stopped pacing, folded her arms tightly across her chest, and raised an eyebrow at Maura. "_Dr. Isles_, look who decided to join us this morning."

Jane's punctuation made Maura's skin crawl. She met Angela's gaze, and she saw nothing but sorrow across her face.

Not wanting to be a terrible host, Maura addressed Hope, "Hello, Dr. Martin." Finally, Hope looked up and her eyes met Maura's. Maura tried to maintain an impassive expression but she could feel her heartbeat quicken and it seemed like time stood still. She felt so many things at one time, and they were all competing to rise to the surface. "_I can't do this. I don't want to do this."_ Maura started to feel a familiar cold sweat break out across her chest, the feeling of lightheadedness accompanying tunnel vision. Jane recognized the deer in headlights look on Maura's face and intervened quickly.

"Ma, will you and Dr. Martin give us a moment, please?" Jane's eyes pleaded with Angela not to ask any further questions. "It will only take a few minutes."

Hope kept her eyes trained on her tea cup as Jane nearly came unglued watching Maura fight to stay conscious, standing right there in the kitchen with both of their mothers present.

Angela nodded swiftly, acquainted with Maura's vasovagal syncope tendencies. "Hope," Angela coaxed, "let's go finish our tea at my place." Angela motioned to the side door and Hope stood swiftly and walked mechanically across the kitchen. The door latched quietly, leaving Maura and Jane alone in the wake of Maura's omissions.

"Maura," Jane breathed, taking her by the elbow and leading her to the couch, "I'm trying really hard to be patient. What is going on here?" When Maura was safely seated on the couch, Jane maintained her pacing, finally resting her hands around one of the high-backed bar stools. "Why did Hope just show up here unannounced, uninvited?"

Maura cleared her throat, and rose from the couch. She raised her chin as she walked right around the kitchen counter to her coffee press, deliberately avoiding Jane's glare. "She's, uh. Well, she's been sending me gifts." Maura added thoughtfully, "Several, actually, and I haven't responded to her gestures."

"Wait, what? I don't understand. Isn't this what you wanted? I distinctly recall you mentioning you had the expectation of a fruit basket?" Jane raised an eyebrow, attempting to lighten the moment as she desperately tried to wrap her brain around Maura's actions.

Maura barely looked up at Jane from the other side of the kitchen, her watery eyes betraying her cold glare.

"Maura, I watched you cry until you made yourself sick over her not reaching out to you. And now that she has….Maur, it's okay for you to be mad, and it's okay for you to hurt. I _hate_ what this has done to you." Jane walked over and stood beside Maura, her back against the counter, and put her hand over Maura's on the coffee press. "But you are going to have to confront Hope about this, whether you're ready for it or not. You can't ignore it. It isn't going away."

Maura looked up at Jane, "What should I do?" she whispered, and Jane pushed a strand of hair behind her ear.

_"__Why is she asking me that?" _Jane pondered. _"Why does it matter now what I think she should do?" _And then like a tidal wave, a realization washed over her. "_Everything is different for Maura now." _

"Maura?" Maura looked up at Jane, tears threatening to spill over. "You know I, uh, _we_, won't judge you if you change your mind about wanting to have a relationship with Hope and Cailin."

"I just keep thinking, it's too good to be true. To have both. I want for Hope to accept me; I want the fairy tale I dreamt about as a child." Maura admitted quietly, desperately trying to avoid Jane's gaze. "And I want you. Us. This."

Jane's face twisted, trying to keep up with Maura's train of thought. "And you think if you choose a relationship with Hope, then what we have can't work?" Jane prompts.

An imperceptible nod from Maura. So slight that if Jane hadn't been scrutinizing her, she would have missed it.

"How could we? You despise her." Maura added. "I can't imagine she has warm feelings for you." Jane pulled Maura into her body.

"If I had to choose, Jane, I would choose you. I would choose you every time." Maura sobbed, her head resting on Jane's shoulder.

Jane's arms encircled Maura, one hand pulling her in tight at the small of her back and the other working its way into Maura's curls. "Oh, Maura. I would never ask you to choose. You can have me _and_ Hope, and I'll learn to get along with her, if this is what you want. For you. Because you're worth it to me."

This revelation only propelled Maura to cry harder, but unlike other times in her life that she had cried, she didn't feel alone, misunderstood, or cast aside. In Jane's arms, she felt the opposite. Safe, protected, and loved.

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><p>Angela and Hope sat in silence for what seemed like a lifetime until Angela couldn't stand it any longer.<p>

"Jane tells me she contacted you shortly after Maura's surgery?" Angela fought back a smirk.

Hope nodded slowly, her eyes closing and a muffled cry escaping her lips. "I deserved it," she admitted painfully. "Everything she said to me, it was the truth. I...I am appalled at the way I have behaved towards Maura. I don't blame her for not wanting to have anything to do with me. I don't believe I reserve the right to ask for her forgiveness."

Angela knew that her relationship with Jane wasn't perfect. Angela knew that Jane wished she had been less involved and less intrusive. But as Angela sat across from this woman, pining the circumstances, what-ifs, and the strains of life and the effects it had on her ability to connect with her daughter, Angela wanted nothing more than to help put the suffering on display at ease.

"You know, Hope, when I first met Maura, she was so different than anyone Jane had ever brought home. She was so unlike Jane, polar opposite. For starters, she was mannerly, stunning and so intelligent. But socially, she was….painfully awkward. I've had the privilege of watching her blossom into such a lovely woman, and I've seen the effect her presence has on my daughter. Over the years, Maura has become part of our family. She is my other daughter and I cherish her presence in my life." Angela pressed her hand to her heart before continuing, "Just one of the things I have grown to love about Maura is her ability to accept and love someone for the person that they are. It's never too late, Hope. You just ask for her forgiveness and then give her the time and space she needs to accept it." Angela stood, motioning for Hope to join her.

Angela reached down and took Hope's hand, guiding her out the guest house, across the small patio, and back into the side door adjoining to Maura's. Jane and Maura were standing together in the kitchen, Jane's form enveloping Maura in an embrace. It was obvious that they had both been crying, and both Hope and Angela marveled at the care with which they treated each other. Jane's thumb swiped away the remaining tears that lingered on Maura's cheek. Maura's eyes closed as she leaned into Jane's touch. Maura gingerly placed her palm on Jane's shoulder, a genuine smile gracing her lips as they separated.

Hope cleared her throat and startled both Jane and Maura. "Maura, can we talk?"

Jane instantly took Maura's hands in her own and squeezed them, silently willing her the strength to get through this conversation. "You can do this," she whispered. Maura took a deep breath before turning to Hope and nodding. "Yes."

Jane made eye contact with Angela and added, "Ma and I will be in the guest house." As they turned to leave, Maura called out, "Please stay." Her eyes pleaded to Jane. _I can't do this without you. I can't do this on my own._ "You're my family, too." Maura didn't miss the softened expression on Hope's face.

Hope took a deep breath, steadying herself. "Maura, I came here today to tell you how sorry I am about the way I have behaved. I realized that not all the gifts in the world carried any weight or meaning. For that, I am sorry. I don't expect you to forgive the way I have treated you, but if you could find it in yourself to forgive me? I want so badly to get to know you." Tears spilled forlornly down her face and Maura felt a stab of guilt in her gut. Hope seemed genuinely sad, but Maura was secretly taking pleasure in the struggle the elder woman seemed to be engaged in.

Maura pushed down her indignant feelings, finally ashamed to take any pleasure from seeing Hope struggle with her emotions. She gazed upon Jane instead, gathering her strength and feeling anchored. "I've imagined having this conversation thousands of times since we were first introduced. Never once did I imagine that this would hurt so much." Maura paused for a moment, thoughtfully, before continuing. Jane was silent but Maura was gathering her strength from the resolve she saw in Jane's eyes.

"You had the nerve to stand in my home and ask me what I wanted from you, from _you_!" Maura let out a dry laugh. "And then you show up in my office, asking _me_ for an organ?" Maura shook her head, almost unable to process the irony of the circumstances. "I donated a part of my body so that you would never have to experience the pain and anguish of losing another child." Hope flinched at the statement and all the implications that extended from it.

"Would you have reached out to me, contacted me at all, if it weren't for Jane?" Maura's eyes left Jane's gaze and Hope felt herself flush at the intensity of Maura's gaze.

"Maura, there wasn't a day that went by that you didn't cross my mind. I need you to believe that." Hope evaded.

"That is _not _what I asked you, Hope. Just answer my question." Maura punctuated.

"I wanted to respect your decision to donate anonymously. I didn't feel like I had any option. I didn't think you wanted to be contacted." Hope held her hands out in front of her, palms up, silently pleading with Maura to forgive her.

Jane groaned and Angela ran her hands over her face. They exchanged an all-knowing look.

Maura placed her delicate hands on her hips, but Jane could see that it was more to hide the fact that they were trembling, and she was trying to maintain some semblance of self-control. "Then you have no right to show up here and ask for my forgiveness. Not like this. If Jane hadn't contacted you, it is likely that we would never have this discussion. I-I can't forgive you, Hope. Now please leave." And with the finality that comes with a situation like that, Jane watched all the air leave Hope's lungs.

Jane had been silent for too long. "Maura," she urged. Maura was standing dead still, like Jane's words hadn't registered.

"Hope, wait." Jane called after her. Hope had gathered her things and made it to the front door, her shoulders sagging as if the weight of the world rested on them.

Maura stood proudly, chin held high and jutted out, her chest mottled red, and her arms hanging limply at her side. Jane moved to stand directly in front of Maura, and she gently placed her hands on Maura's shoulders, "Maura." Her words were barely audible. "Please, look at me." When Maura's eyes met hers, she almost burst into tears. She saw anger, fear, shame, and regret. Maura was barely treading water and Jane feared that she was at her breaking point.

"Maura, c'mon. You cannot leave it like this. This is not what you want, anyone can see that. Maura, please think about this." Jane visibly saw Maura relax as they maintained eye contact. "I meant what I said, Maur. No judgments. Whatever you decide, I support you." Jane loosened her grip on Maura's arms and kissed her forehead.

The silence stretched on, as Jane and Maura stood face to face, eyes locked. Angela observed the two women having a silent conversation with just their eyes. A brief smile flickered across Angela's face as Maura reached up and tucked a stray hair behind Jane's ear. Angela made out the faint dimple that appeared on Jane's cheek at the touch. Jane coaxed Maura, building her up and cheering her on.

"You can do this," Jane whispered.

Maura broke eye contact with Jane and stepped around her, pulling her sweater in tighter around her body. Hope stood in the foyer, her shoulders stooped and her trembling hand clutching the front doorknob.

"Hope?" Maura started, timidly.

Hope took a hesitant step back into the house, out of the foyer. "Please, Maura. I'm asking for one last chance."

Maura closed the distance between them and her face softened. "I don't make promises, Hope. But I will _try_ to forgive you. Not because I owe it to you, but because I owe it to myself. There are so many things I want to know. Do you think, maybe, we could meet for coffee sometime?" Maura reached out and for the first time, initiated contact with Hope. Maura took Hope's hand in her own and offered a small smile.

"I will be in touch with you soon. I am already looking forward to it." Hope straightened herself up, calmly able to collect herself. Before she opened the front door, she paused, and glanced back.

Maura smiled, an ear splitting grin, "Me too, Hope. Me too." Jane couldn't help but see Maura as a small girl, bouncing on the balls of her feet, her hands clasped under her chin as the door closed behind Hope.

Maura felt arms encircle her waist from behind, and Jane pressed a kiss into her hair. "I am so proud of you." Maura felt a genuine laugh escape, and her hand flew to her mouth as her eyes widened.

"That's the first time in weeks…" She trailed off, amazed at how content she suddenly felt.

"I know," Jane let out a breath she wasn't even aware she'd been holding, "I've missed your laugh."

Angela had busied herself in the kitchen, calling out, "Girls, I'm going to change and then I'm making pancakes. Are you hungry?"

Jane groaned, not willing nor wanting to share her time with Maura. Maura's eyes lit up and Jane could see it was a lost cause. Her plans for another private weekend alone had been tossed aside.

"I am hungry," Maura admitted shyly.

"I had other plans for us this morning," Jane all but growled.

Maura smiled slyly, reaching out and intertwining her fingers with Jane's. "We have all the time in the world, Jane. There's no need to rush."

As the door closed behind Angela, Jane watched Maura take a seat at the bar, wrapping her hands around her coffee mug and sitting back with a content expression on her face. Jane was struck by the way the natural light played around Maura. Jane couldn't help but think that Maura looked like she was glowing. Jane was overwhelmed by everything that had transpired this morning alone, and she felt like her heart was going to burst at the seams for Maura. Jane didn't think it was possible to be as proud of someone as she was of Maura in that moment.

_I love you. _

Maura's head snapped around and her eyes met Jane's gaze. Maura realized Jane hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"Wh-what? What did you say?" Maura placed her hand to her heart, certain it actually ceased to beat. Her face flushed and she bit her lip, trying to keep it from trembling. She was buying Jane time, giving her an out. She could feel the trepidation building in her, but was rooted to the bar stool.

Jane took a purposeful step toward her, and Maura could see the glint of something in Jane's eyes. Seductive, animalistic, feral. Maura shuddered.

"I. Love. You." Jane punctuated each word, clearly, precisely. "I have for so long."

Maura's eyes fluttered closed as she felt Jane's hand on her cheek. Maura opened her eyes and smiled the smile she only reserved for Jane. "I was wrong, Jane. _This_ is my fairy tale. You are everything I've always wanted, but never thought I deserved. I love you too, Jane. I love you, too."


End file.
